A New Man

I was not the same person on Wednesday as I was on Tuesday. I woke up with a different Brain. My synapsis fired in strange new ways and my mind processed things different. My heart had somehow expanded in my chest and was now taking up much more space. My bravado and confidence had been ripped from my body and replaced with an awkward arbitrary judgement that would no longer accept any form of recklessness.
From this point on I would have an inherent desire to take simple precautions. I was unwillingly ,being forced to adapt a safe and careful existence. Wearing a seatbelt and eating green beans became habitual and texting while driving and drinking 32 ounces of Cherry Coke each day, would become nothing more them more then a distant memory. Even the my vernacular changed. Words like freak and darn-it . replaced the ever so popular The “F word” that had once flowed from my mouth like Pabst Blue Ribbon at an Arizona State frat party.
Andria and i arrived at the Hospital early on Tuesday morning. Andria was poked and prodded and put on a hormone that would cause her body to think that it was going into labor. I sat around with my mom and Vicki and waited.
Andria was on the Patosin for over 10 hours. The doctor came in numerous times to check if she was dilating but her body would not cooperate and the by late afternoon we were no closer to having our baby then we were an the early morning.
Imagine you are sitting on the shore of a small pond with a fishing pole in your hand waiting endlessly for a bite that never comes. Now picture every single person around you reeling in fish after fish. Finally after the six year old twenty feet away says, “ I got another one daddy.” You muster up the nerve to ask, “ Whatcha you guys usin:”
“Green Power Bait,” they reply. You dig into your tackle box and produce a stout little bottle of a green substance and throw the sticky goo on the end of your hook, toss your line in to the water. Waiting... waiting...waiting.... “I gotta another one Daddy.”
“Wow, that’s a big one.”
Ugh, that little son of a bitch kid just caught another fish? Finally after two more hours of watching the little freckle faced handicapped kid on your other side limit our on green power bait, You pack up your things and leave. As your walking away a ten year old girl walks over to your spot with a twenty inch Barbie pole and within ten seconds pulls out a rainbow that would make Ernest Hemmingway jealous. That is how i felt while waiting in the hospital room.
After hours of waiting Andria decided that she was not progressing and that a C-Section would be our best option. At first I was overwhelmed with excitement, then the weight of the situation hit me.
We thought that we had about an hour, but before we new it, an Anesthesiologist was explaining a process involving needles and sleep and tying down hands. I had time to give Andria a quick blessing and kiss goodbye.
I know C-sections happen everyday but not to us. I felt a rush of emotions and I remember thinking what if this is the last time i kiss my wife. The next thing I knew i was hunched over the toilet in the bath room praying that she would be safe.
After about fifteen minutes i walked into a room that was bright and sterile. My wife was lying on the gurney with a blanket draped between her and her tummy. It all felt so chaotic. There must of been ten people in the room. On one side of the blanket there was so much going on that even my ADHD brain was overloaded. Doctors and nurses casually switched conversations back and forth talking about the surgery to laughing at each others personal stories.
On the other side of the blanket it was just Andria and I. Andria was calm and collected. I continued to reassure her how amazing she was doing. Her hands were tied
and her nose itched,. so i did what any good husband would do, I picked it for her.
After about two minutes i heard the doctor say, “dad your gonna want to see this” I stood up so that i could see over the blanket. I heard a muffled cry and Andria eyes lit up and then started to water. I head a nurse say,” Oh, you can braid her hair already.” The next thing i knew there was a little purple thing that looked kind of like me screaming and gasping for air.
Two nurses rushed her to a table on the side of the room and started cleaning her off. I remember thinking, Whoa, Whoa take it easy on her, she’s only like one minute old. They rubbed her down as I rushed franticly back and forth telling Andria how beautiful The baby was.
When they were done cleaning her off they passed her to me and i walked her over to my beautiful wife.” Hey Amelia, meet your mommy. It felt strange to hear her say her name for the first time. I held her cheek to Andria’s lips and cried as Andria met the little girl that had been growing inside of her for the last nine months.
So i now have the blessing and the burden of being of being a daddy. On Tuesday morning my world revolved around me and now it turns around little my two girls. Last night as Andria and I were walking the halls of the hospital, we pushed our little baby around in her crib and for the first time since her birth it was just the three of us, i looked at Andria and said, “ this is our little family.” And everything that used to be important, wasn’t.